Ok so yesterday sucked...I am not so much angry at Ed, he is just being his lovely self...I am angry at myself for falling for the trap. And in reality, I set the trap myself.
I texted him yesterday about us having a date. I would like to be able to talk to him on neutral ground, without all the drama. I then suggested Outback. He actually replied, "Outback is always good" I said, "cool" and " tonight?" he didn't answer. I had to know then that he wasn't going to see me anytime soon. around 6 I texted him, "Not tonight?" and of course his reply was "Not tonight". I was very hurt, and yet oddly strengthened.
I am always telling my friends to "grow a set" andstand up for yourself. Love yourself first, and then you can love someone else. I am not currently loving myself.
SO... I am getting into shape, I have been lazy and that won't do. If I am going to be single, then I would like to look fabulous. I am working on the wisdom and the strength to do what is right. I cannot be a clingy whiney person, it isn't me. I have to be my TOWANDA person, and stop taking all this crap.
So, Lord, toady I am praying for guidance, strength and wisdom
Lani
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