I feel strange sending this out to cyber-land, but my doctor suggested journaling for my angst and I thought this might be a way to journal, with possible feedback.
I am an unemployed 62 year old woman...mother of four and grandmother of nine, and I find myself on the brink of my second divorce. I cannot describe the feelings of anger, loss and ultimately stupidity.
I met Ed eight years ago..he was younger than I and nicely built..ok he was a hunk. He was very pleasant, out going charming and very damaged. We went out a few times and then (unbeknownst to me) went back to his wife. He stayed long enough to sell his house, set her up in a trailer and move back to SC. In the fall of 2003, his beloved duelly truck was repossessed. He asked me for the money to get it back, I refused as we were not in a "relationship". His wife borrowed money from her sister, and bought the truck back. Ed signed an agreement to sign it over to her.
In January of 2004 we reconnected and things were wonderful. He was living with his sister, and stayed with me five or six nights a week. Of course we weren't living together, so he wouldn't pay any bills. Also in January he and his friend Greg went to Minnesota to get the truck back. ( steal??) Ed is still convinced that since the truck was in his name it was his truck, never mind that his wife has paid for it. He was arrested and put in jail in MN. Greg hotfooted it back to SC and called me to let me know what had happened. He also let me in on the fact that Ed was still married. GET A CLUE, LANI. Dumb me, I sent a cashiers check for $ 10, 000, to bail him out of jail, airfare and money to live on till he could get home. I loved him.
He came home and initiated divorce proceedings. And our relationship was pretty good. He was running his own electrical business, but the money wasn't there. No problem, I was keeping the roof over his head.
He started his disappearing act early in 2005 with Friday night absences. Of course he didn't answer his phone and I was left wondering where he was. In February of 2005 he vanished for good...well not exactly for good, but for a while. He was living with Kathleen, a bitchy when drunk alcoholic. He cared for her, and she took care of his basic needs; sex and a roof over his head.
We got back in touch via Yahoo Messenger..( did I say he was a Yahoo whore?) and he would frequently do a drive by visit on Thursdays. Three times he said he was coming back to me and we would make plans for him to be with me, but he would do his thing and be gone for weeks at a time. And yes, I still loved him. His mother passed in April of 2005 and he was heart broken.
Mean while I was dating and having fun. I was seeing someone that I liked and we were talking about him moving in with me when his lease was up. That was very exciting as I hate living alone. I went to his sister's house the end of August 2005 to talk to her about getting my garage opener back from Ed. I was uncomfortable with him having it, and of course neither Ed or his sister answer their phones or return calls.
That is all I can stand to do today.
Remember that God loves us all, even when we are terminally stupid.
Talk soon, Lani
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